Grief During the Holidays

“Holidays are time spent with loved ones” was imprinted on our psyche from a young age. Holidays mark the passage of time in our lives. They are part of the milestones we share with each other, and they represent time spent with family. They bring meaning to certain days, and we bring much meaning back to them. But since holidays are for being with those we love the most, how can anyone be expected to cope with them when a loved one has died? For many people, this is the hardest part of grieving, when we miss our loved ones even more than usual. How can you celebrate togetherness when there is none? When you have lost someone special, your world loses its celebratory qualities. Holidays only magnify the loss. The sadness feels sadder, and the loneliness goes deeper. The need for support may be the greatest during the holidays. Pretending you don’t hurt and or it is not a harder time of the year is just not the truth for you. If it weren’t harder, you probably wouldn’t be here. You can and will get through the holidays. Rather than avoiding the feelings of grief, lean into them. It is not the grief you want to avoid; it is the pain. Grief is the way out of pain. There are several ways to incorporate your loved one and your loss into the holidays.

Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, New Year's 

These are the biggest and usually most challenging of all. You can and will get through the Holidays. Rather than avoiding the feelings of grief, lean into them. It is not the grief you want to avoid; it is the pain. Grief is the way out of pain. Grief is our internal feelings and mourning is our external expressions.

Ways to externalize the loss – give it a time and a place.

•  A prayer before the Holiday dinner, about your loved one.
•  Light a candle for your loved one.
•  Create an online tribute for them.
•  Share a favorite story about your loved one.
•  Have everyone tell a funny story about your loved one.
•  At your place of worship remember them in prayer.
•  Chat online about them.